Confession Time

I am a stay at home mother. And ... I don't love it. There, I said it.

There are those of us in this world .... the world that revolves around playdates, and bounce houses, and parks, and endless discussions about sleep training methodologies ... who are simply not cut out for this line of work. There are some of us, myself included, who find this work ... unfulfilling.

There are some of us, myself included, who found ourselves at home because it was the right decision for our family. See, I have two very young children, still in diapers, and my husband works a lot. And he travels a lot. And, the cost of having two young children in full time daycare would be an entire salary, or close to it. The added stress to my family of getting my kids to and from daycare AND working fulltime AND dealing with a travelling husband ... it just doesn't make sense to go back to work at this point in my children's lives.

It's not a popular topic on the playground ... being bored with this job. It's not something that a lot of women talk about. In fact, I often conceal my feelings from other mothers who take such joy in their role as a stay at home mom. I don't want them feel guilty for enjoying it, but more honestly, I don't want to feel judged for NOT enjoying it.

Don't get me wrong. I am a good mother. I love these children. I'm in love with these children. I love getting to see them reach certain small daily milestones that I would otherwise miss if I was outside the home every day. I know my children so intimately, a luxury that many mothers do not have. I am rewarded with many unexpected hugs and kisses every day that enrich my soul.

But it's lonely ... being managed by two bosses who have no communication skills and keep me on a very short leash. It's frustrating ... not being able to share my fears about being out of the work force and becoming obsolete. It's ... hard. It's the hardest thing I will ever do.

The blogosphere doesn't need another mommy blogger. We already have Dooce, and Sweetney and Might Girl. They have far more skillful writers than I am... and they are A LOT funnier than I am, and they have much better haircuts that I do.

But maybe the blogosphere needs a place for women like me ... who need a place to be say the unpopular things that I can't say out loud.

I dunno. We'll see.